Why Ask Why?

Let's face it. "Why?" is a terrible question to ask yourself. Here's the reason.

When you ask "Why?" , as in "Why is this happening to me?" "Why doesn't that person answer my calls?" and questions like that, it gives your Inner Critic a chance to raise it's self-serving head (because it's trying to keep everything the same, and you "stuck") and respond like this: "Because you're a hopeless dweeb." "Who would want to hang out with you? You're worthless."

The things you're told by your Inner Critic are NOT TRUE. It's what you heard (usually from someone else, or the TV, or any number of places), and what you've reinforced throughout your life. It happens to us all. 

Trust me when I say there isn't a person out there who doesn't have some version of a blue-suit-cats-eye-glasses-grey-haired-overweight-overbearing-loud-voiced Critic whispering (and sometimes shouting) in their ear telling them what a creep they are. Mine is named Sally Jenkins (with apologies to every Sally Jenkins out there who is a nice person), and she does indeed wear a blue suit, have cats-eye glasses, lives alone, is miserable, a low-level government employee whose only pleasure is to tell me how worthless I am. She doesn't even have a pet. No animal in its right mind would want to be with her.

I had a lot of fun getting to know Sally. She ran my life for many many years, but these days, her voice has gotten very quiet. I've done enough work that when she whispers to me I can say "Gee, thanks, Sally, now go back to your corner and be quiet. I'm not buying it." And she does.

I also don't ask "Why?" any more. A better approach is to use a "What?" question, or "How?" - as in "What is this situation trying to tell me?" Or "How can I use this to build more self-confidence in myself?"

Those questions are a little harder to answer, but if you're willing to go down those trails, you're going to find some interesting answers.

So stop asking "Why?" Don't give your Inner Critic a chance to even get close to your ear. Inner Critics don't know how to answer "What?" or "How?" questions. But your Inner Mentor does. And that's a much better voice to listen to.

Next time - get in touch with that voice inside you that is your wisdom and your advocate - your Inner Mentorl

(With thanks to Tara Brach for the Inner Critic/Inner Mentor monikers.)